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Hey everyone! This is the first entry of my musings journal & as you can see I have chosen the name Starbucks_pen, actually Kaw thought of Starbucks pen & ink but it was two long! Over the next few days I will be updating quite a bit. I have decided to archive my entire collection of poetry, songs etc here. Most of you will have probably read them before. But comment is always welcome! Just want to say a huge thank you to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) chris4short who fixed the glitches in the layout for me! You're a superstar! Thanks hun *Hugs* All my friends from my journal have been added automatically. Most entries will be back dated & mood will be set as it was when I wrote the piece in question. Thankies! E xx - Mood:okay
 - Music:None
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On the 6th of December 2008, I married ana_khouri. Seeing as my last post was more than 50 weeks ago, I thought I would post my vows on here. My muse is pretty much dead, that's what happiness does for you...
When I was young I yearned for a place to call home but as I grew, (nowhere felt quite right). It wasn't until I met you, my love that I knew I was home.
That was when love took me by the hand, leading me to you and it opened my eyes to a whole new way of life.
You taught me how to live and as we begin our lives together, I know in my heart this is where I belong.
And I stand before, you now, to honour my devotion to our love.
Whilst, you know I don’t make promises or guarantees. You also know in your heart that I will do my best for you, to love, comfort and keep you safe from harm.
I will work hard to provide shelter for us both and most importantly listen.
You are my lover, best friend and confidante and I can’t wait to grow old with you.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
© Emma. C
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I can only see black
Now day turned to night
Crimson red pours from my veins
Yet if I were dead
The pain would be gone
And light would warm my tired limbs.
If I were dead the hollow emptiness,
Would be consumed.
And nothing of this existence would remain.
But I am not dead,
As the aching reminds me.
And the remnants of us,
Float around me like absentee ghosts.
© Emma Collie 19th February 2008
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I am the darkest star, black, as the velvet night
And I mark like charcoal, burning my victims through;
Before leaving their ashes to dance in the bitter wind.
No one is safe, my sufferers have said.
Lured, then extinguished until the light has gone out.
A scowl on my face and a weight on my shoulder,
I do not laugh and I do not cry but I bite back the words,
Spoken to me.
Run, run while you still can...
I am evil, bad to the bone and rotten to the core.
Sickened in light and unlovable.
My black stone heart decaying inside.
Not a care do I feel, alone on this night.
As I've crushed all the good that's passed me by.
Destroying the light, so I can hide.
Run, run while you still can...
Or this hideous creature will bury you alive…
© E. Collie 28th January 08
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Author's note: PLEASE note that this has NOT been betaed!!! It is meant to be imperfect. ..
Setting: Therapy Session. - Tags:rlf, rpf
- Mood:tired
 - Music:Sound of Pulling Down - Blue October
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It was poetic and eloquent,
Those words you spoke
Words that cried out to my heart, giving me hope.
Words reaching for a truce,
Although no disagreement had been waged.
And those words halted my little boat,
Set sail for distant land.
Tugging it gently on those turbulent waters
But rocks surrounded my tiny boat
And it bobbed motionless, on that great expanse.
I looked out to you,
Knowing there was a time when
You knew me better than I knew myself.
My compadre, you and I against the world
But as those rocks surrounded me,
I did not know;
Why or how I should get back.
So I sat and waited for word from on shore.
Some clue, as to how.
Some clue, as to why.
An age passed, an eternity maybe
But then I knew it was just a season,
As the leaves turned red and brown
And began to fall
The nights grew shorter and yet still I waited
Quelled and bound,
Waiting, simply waiting….
For your return…
© Emma C 16th October 2007
- Mood:Saddened
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My heart is a burnished pebble
Carved from onyx, ebony as the blackest night
And polished to shine and glisten in the sun.
But it weighs heavy, carrying a weight of many burdens
It is as heard as steel,
Unbending and unbreakable.
My body is just as resilient
Carved from white marble
A monument to a life, never lived.
No lines nor blemishes,
Perfectly shaped and formed
Smooth in detail except for around the edges;
Where it is rough, as yet undefined.
I stand motionless, statuesque
Basking in the afternoon sun.
My face impassive, staring blankly at the open sky;
I am but a passing thought.
Black against white,
Onyx against marble
Blindingly contrasting.
I am a stone effigy
To be revered
To be admired
But never touched or loved
No fingerprints on my skin,
no smudges or smears on my polished marbled.
My heart growing harder with each passing moment
And my skin, a thick hide; impenetrable to all.
I am untainted and perfectly formed
But I am trapped here frozen.
Expectantly waiting
For something so foreign,
Something so unexpected and alien;
That I can not conceive nor comprehend.
© Emma C 15th October 2007
- Mood:Impassive
 - Music:Eight Easy Steps - Alanis Morrisette
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I’m sat alone,
Anticipatively waiting
Too early as usual
Nervous excitement tingling my senses
Waiting for you
And the last few minutes are the worst
After months of expectant longing
Its finally here.
Music pumps through my veins
Words of you and I
Notes that lead me to you
You step off the train
As I rise from my seat
Struck dumb for a moment
Your smile resonating such beauty
I stand back admiringly
Not quite believing
Not quite trusting my eyes.
Your smile fades, worry etched on your brow
When I don’t move.
But my legs are unable to cope with commands
And my eyes unable to stray from you.
That’s when I smile,
My love for you shining like a beacon
For all to see.
Smiling between us has always been infectious
And today is no different.
Your worry gone and your smile returns
As we gaze at each other for a moment
Exchanging the same unspoken thoughts
After months of waiting, months of longing
Finally your arms are around me
Embracing me in the warmth of our love
Emotions rising within me, like a balloon wanting to be free
Suddenly the tears come as my grip tightens
Never wanting to let go of you again.
© Emma C 9th September 2007
For my fiancée, Cherylynn.
- Mood:okay
- Music:Calling You - Blue October
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Yesterday I felt your hand in mine
From across the ocean.
You were next to me.
A vivid apparition blowing in the wind.
My fingers entwined with yours.
A smile on your lips
A sky full of promises on a dark horizon.
Every one meant with good intentions.
Promises kept day after day.
Comfort during twilight hours.
And as the hours tick by and dawn approaches
Sleep abandoning me in a restless battle for peace.
My soul darkens and I’m struggling to stay afloat,
Drowning in a threat of tears.
Finally I lose control and allow the sorrow to be one with me.
Such inherent hate consuming me whole.
An unwelcome return to an old way of life.
Guilt, as I succumb, wanting the end.
Wanting the blade next to my skin.
Craving its sudden release.
But alone in our bed, I feel you next to me.
Your fingers on my skin and whispers in my ear.
I hear the words, words I’ve heard a hundred times.
Sudden warmth seeping through me as your voice, washes over me.
I see your beautiful face in the dark and suddenly the fog clears
I push the buttons nervously
Doubt clouding my mind
Internal arguing in my head
Yelling at myself for feeling this way
My message sends and is received.
And well of tears continues to flood, as I try to sleep
Thinking your somewhere you’re not.
And I am surprised, yes surprised when I read your words
And I realise with a flood of emotion
Love and pain rushing to my core
In a cocktail of smiles and tears.
That you were there,
You and only you
Were there when I needed you
The first and maybe the last.
And you continue to keep your promises
Forging a deepening trust in me
Something that scares me but I am learning to believe
Because I love you….
© Emma C 19th August 2007
For my fiancée, Cherylynn.- Mood:touched
 - Music:Everlasting Friend - Blue October
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In the doubt that fills my mind
Fear grips my stomach
Like an arrow in the night,
Piercing my heart with
Ashen darkness
Seeping and creeping
Through my body
As I try to remember
Your love is pure
Holding on to that memory
And allowing my love for you
To consume me once again…
© Emma C 17th August 2007
For my fiancée, Cherylynn.
- Mood:loved
- Music:What if we could - Blue October
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